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The Myth of the MILF
by

Paul David Pruitt

Mom I’d Like to Fuck (MILF) actually began in the personal ads when women in their 30’s and 40’s, most likely divorced, with or without children, closed their ad with “Mature, Independent, and Likes to Fuck”. Much like being given all the most used letters in the bonus round of Wheel of Fortune, it was so common it became MILF. The music video ‘Stacy’s Mom’ by Fountains of Wayne helped to perpetuate the “Mom” aspect of MILF. Showing Aussie uber babe Rachel Hunter as the Mom every college boy wants to whack off to. This has spawned a whole genre’ of porn movies with twenty something frat boys driving around in Dad’s SUV, picking up hot, slightly older chicks who all look remarkably like porn stars from the 1990’s.

Not surprisingly they wind up scrumming to the infinite charms of these boys and engage in all sorts of nasty sex acts covering Dad’s leather upholstery with body fluids. Pretty real scenario considering that thirty something females and these college guys are both at their sexual peak. The myth is who is in control. A much more appropriate term that is now in wide use is “Cougar”. These mature, financially independent women are on the prowl for fresh meat. The meat lucky enough to be caught is in for the sexual experience of his young life.

Cougars, as the name implies, are the aggressors; they have their plastic surgeons on speed dial and workout routines that would embarrass the US Olympic Ski Team. When you see them in the clubs they’re looking for the same thing their ex-husbands are, a tight 25 year old to fuck their brains out and then leave. Most of these women don’t want marriage, been there done that, kept the house and kids. They have strong relationships with girlfriends, charities and other female only social events. They need a male for one thing, cock. Once that’s drained they go back to the Bunko party.

“So, nice bit of trivia Sarge, but what’s in this for me”? Glad you asked grasshopper, here’s a few do’s and don’ts for scoring you own Cougar (MILF).

Do: Be young and in shape. These two usually go together. Really that’s all, she’ll find you.

Don’t: Fall in love; remember the great philosopher Snoop Dogg, it’s just sex.

Do: Complement her; she’s fighting a daily battle with Father Time and gravity. Let her know she’s winning.

Don’t: Complement her cosmetic surgeon; she has great boobs, not a “great boob job”.

Do: Let her pick up the check, she has her own money if she wants to take you somewhere nice, don’t pout because you can’t afford it. Accept graciously.

Don’t: Expect her to pay, don’t plan some big outing thinking she’ll be your sugar Mama, there’s nothing more unattractive than a kept man.

Do: Hit on her friends. Okay, normally this would be a big fat don’t, but this is just sex. At some point she’s going to dump you so what better place to land than in the bed of a hotter, richer friend? And trust me; they all know how big your dick is and how long you last.

Don’t: Hit on her daughter, even if she’s closer to your own age. If this woman has trusted you enough to bring you into her home, don’t go all Jerry Springer, it’s just wrong.

Do: Learn from her. She doesn’t have the hang ups of your college age girlfriend with the copies of Modern Bride magazines strategically placed all over her bedroom. She’s made her decision about having children and is comfortable with who she is. She wants hot, fun, nasty sex. Enjoy.

Don’t: Try to impress her, outside the bedroom that is. Know your role, know when to leave and you’ll be on the fast track to graduating from boy to Motherfucker.

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